“Open up your heart”

This is what I’ve been told by various people for more than two and a half years now, and in the past month I’m actually beginning to get it. Typically this is told to me by more spiritual friends and psychics, who are more intuitive and can feel me out better, so they can tell how high my walls are even though I put on my extroverted persona. Specifically, they mean that I need to open my heart chakra, which sounds even more like, wth.

I suppose that from getting hurt a few times and fearing that I’d be hurt again, it felt safer to put up safety barriers and wait till the right one comes along, for whom I’d drop all my defences, but I realised that it doesn’t quite work that way. Some months back, I fell in love again and I thought that might be the one but I couldn’t bring myself to drop the walls. The fear of being abandoned was just too much to take, and well, I behaved like I was too cool, and there I was, trapped in my own stuffy shell. No romance there, because I wasn’t myself, but a woman crying out for personal freedom. Truly, I was running from myself.

So a couple weeks ago, a relatively self-evolved friend of mine tells me to open my heart to others, and I tell him that I’m working on it. He asks, “What do you have to lose? What’s the worst thing that could happen”. I’m like, “I could get hurt, man” and he asks, “Is that really so bad? Won’t you get over it?”. I then admitted that I would feel rejected if things didn’t go well, and he proceeded to point out that it would just my ego that feels bruised.

Well he’s right. And so I made a new decision to go with the flow, not think about long-term commitment anymore and just enjoy the company of people for what it is. A book that helped me along the way was Quiet: The Power of Introverts, which I purchased at the airport on my way to Beijing last month. A key takeaway for me, was that as an ambivert, I need to embrace my introvertedness and stop aspiring to be a super extrovert. The greater message was about self acceptance. For the longest time, I’ve held an ideal of myself, and that is of course, my ego kicking into high gear. Every now and then, I receive a reminder from people and situations that it’s really okay to be myself, and it’s okay if I say “no”, and it’s okay if I’m not the nicest person (within reason). The last bit is bordering on setting boundaries, but I’m not going to go into that this time.

The more I was more comfortable with myself, and dropped my fear and ego, the more I felt an inner freedom and peace with myself, and in the process I felt more charming and humourous, and ultimately, happy. I can’t believe it took me so long to get it.

So I’m back in the dating game! Mothers, lock up your sons! My heart isn’t quite fully opened, but I’m getting there!

{Just found this humourous and insightful TED talk on introverts by Susan Cain, the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts. Do read the book, and watch this video!}

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4 thoughts on ““Open up your heart”

  1. After what I went through in the last year, one thought constantly resonates with me…which you & Brenda always remain me, i.e. Go with the Flow 🙂

    When I had the pain in my chest, my ego got in the way of what the Universe thinks is best for me, I did was was “safe”… my wonderful Trinity Family said to me “Go with the Flow, man!” & when I did, miracles happened! Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  2. Ha ha.. yeahhh. Need a tattoo on the face that says go with the flow.

    And my, how many miracles we’ve seen since that pain in the chest incident!

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