This week, I took some time off to see a shamanic healer with a devil-may-care attitude, where we sat and talked for more than an hour, before he conducted a healing session. Being highly intuitive, he asked for my gold watch, and whether it was expensive. Fearing for the worst, I told him it had sentimental value.
He asked for who had given it to me, and if he could throw it out the window. It was a present from my last boyfriend from 2 and a half years ago, and I’ve become very attached to it. Of course I was like, no way! First of all, that’s killer litter, and second, what a waste of a good watch. But that was not the real answer, as I’d divulged when I had handed it over. I’d given the game away from the start.
The healer said that the watch carried the energy imprint from my ex-boyfriend, and it gave me a certain feeling when I wore it. When backed into a corner, I admitted that the watch did make me feel loved and it gave me the false feeling of being safe. But I’d only realised it that very minute.
What he doesn’t know, is that I have something far worse on my bed. A 16-year old teddy bear that I have owned since my very first boyfriend had given it to me, and I’d taken it with me almost everywhere, and at least two other boyfriends had played with it. That makes it at least three times more potent than the watch.
Looking around my bedroom, there is much to get rid of – gifts of various types, and as Fiona had reminded me, photographs – physical and digital. I even have a mini effigy of my ex-boyfriend somewhere in my room, which I’m so afraid to bin because it would be sent to an incinerator and I don’t want him feeling any seething pain from that. He gave me the go ahead to throw it away because it spooks him out that I made an effigy to begin with. I’ll have to justify here that was a token of love and not a voodoo mechanism. I now know how the homeowners on Clean House felt when they were made to declutter their old memories. Ouch.
Logic tells me that it’s the right thing to do, even though my emotional centre is kicking and screaming. The shamanic healer told me to get rid of the watch, or the next best thing would be to wrap it in a cloth and bury it in salt for 3 days, preferably the former.
I think ridding myself of these love objects from the past 16 years would help me cut the energy cords permanently and heal old wounds, which I’d thought I’d healed from. And I’ll do it because I love myself more than these memories, and for the reason that I need to truly move on, and grow up. Surely my well-being is worth more than that.
Image taken from ladybugrock