Why am I still single?

Having been asked this by two seperate men in all seriousness, I decided to address this with a blogpost confronting myself on why I am still single. Perhaps this would a) really solve the mystery, and b) provide me a list of witty answers to the next interrogator.

On Friday night, I went out for a spot of fun as I usually do on the weekends, and met a charismatic Brazillian-Indian with all the hallmarks of a great boyfriend, since he skydives, fences, plays polo, practices reiki and yoga and even meditates – except there wasn’t a soul connection. Deciding to live in the moment, and as a person who loves stories (listening and reiterating – I knew I would have one to tell the next day), I opted in good faith to follow him to his gorgeously decked out house in town when he lured me with the promise of pasta (even though what I really wanted was a prata), transported in no less than a speedy motorbike… and boy do I love a bikeride! The curly roads there were ten times more fun given the fact that I was already lubricated with several drinks!

And so he asked me, “Tell me, Olivia. Why are you still single?”.

“I don’t know… perhaps because I’m very fussy,” I mused.

The following night, a very funny Scotsman asked me the same question. Repeatedly. As if he was not satisfied with my replies. Did he think I was lying? You think he’d be upset with not giving him the answer he desired, imagine MY frustration from not knowing why I seem to constantly left as an afterthought on the shelf!

“So Olivia… why are you single?” He asked.

And I said,”Because men don’t want to commit?” as I thought about a man who’d recently said so to me.

To be exact he said, “It’s not like I can’t commit. I just don’t want to.” Which kind of hurts more the former, when you come to think of it.

“Why are you single?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, as I scoffed down my cheese and egg prata, which is something I’ve been looking forward to since I didn’t get it after Friday night’s session of social intercourse.

“Why are you single?”

“Well there’s not a universal truth to it, is there? I wish there was,” I finally retorted.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m a klutz and I’m too busy hurting myself – like I did earlier tonight when I slammed the taxi car door on my writing/eating/toothbrushing hand, which is now bruised, by the way-  to notice the right man appearing before me.

Perhaps I’m too impatient, as demonstrated in my haste to leave the Brazillian-Indian man’s home after he took too long to make me a vegetarian pasta. I take food promises very seriously and hate to be baited like a chicken only to find out that the only food I’m ever going to get is the one I make for myself in my own home kitchen! Instead he offered me a fabulous massage, which was very nice but it didn’t quite satiate my hunger. As I got up to leave he said to me, “Don’t you get it, I’m trying to seduce you!” Oh I got it alright, but he obviously didn’t get the memo on my hunger pangs even though I served it to his face all night long.

Sidetracking a little here, but men seem to use massages as a subtle sex strategy, and this is nothing new. Being a bit of a massage whore, I usually take up the offer, ever so conscious of their intentions, and secretly feeling smirky because I know they’re not going to get the cookie. Damn! You think I’ll put out over a massage, you really think I’m thaaat cheap?!

Back to the issue at hand…

Or maybe I’m just not quite ready for my soul mate… the universe for more than a decade now, has been dropping me all kinds of prototypes of men to test me time after time, and I’ve failed every which time to decipher the  formula to a happy relationship. Maybe the universe thinks I might break this man with my klutzy behaviour.

Or could it be that the universe portal is jammed or inundated by a flood of requests of the same kinds of men I’m after?

How far from the head of the queue am I, I’m wondering?

Image taken from stock.xchng

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Why am I still single?

    • Russell!! Thanks for your advice! I am loving myself more everyday and I’m sure this person will show up in due time. I’m having heaps of fun in the process though!

  1. I would recommend using the lamb as the litmus test for whether the men “cut the cheese” as you put it.

    If she goes “MMM” then it’s golden and she has a new MMM.

    If she goes “Aaaaarrrgh Aaaaaargh” you should be running.

    • Oh my God. Is this who I think it is??? Lambchopra and HV say hello! They have a new friend in the form of a scruffy dog! I was wondering who wrote that post on cutting the cheese, and was it you who made that comment on Bugs Bunny?

  2. Or rather, you ladies should be charging him for practical tips/lessons on ‘how not to completely f*** up when trying to pick up women’.

  3. Ha ha!! I once thought of providing services as such. How not to look desperate… how to dress well, carry yourself as a hottie etc..!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s